If I am not a doctor?

"WAITING is one of the painful moment which I don't really like to be in. While waiting for my A-Level results, I kept on thinking: IF I can't make it, then what should I do?"

My A2 class lecturer (Miss Aifaa) always remind me this: "You gonna be an awesome, versatile, flexible and talented doctor. Please do sing for your patients to cure them emotionally"

Her words always encourage and motivate me to keep on believing in myself. She always slap me with her words! Sometimes it hurts, but that is how it goes. Thanks to Miss Aifaa!

On Friday (3 days before I'll know my A-Level results), the burdens of waiting become heavier each day closer. I tried my best to ignore that feelings. Physically, I did! But, emotionally, I didn't. I can't pretend my own feelings. Then, I shared it with my friends: Gumie and Baxter. Guess what, they become worried too! Huh. Useless sharing, burdening people that is caring. 

I lost my confident in singing during my secondary school (primary school, I sang a lot). But, I got back my confident and self-esteem during FESNI (Festival Seni) at KTT last year after I won the singing competition together with Shin Chian (My duet partner). And, that's all because of being FORCED in the first place by Miss Aifaa. (At first, I don't like it. But at the end, I really appreciate it).

Singing at the 5 Stars Hotel last year was actually a NO from me. I don't want to sing and perform at first. But because of Miss Aifaa and the lecturers (not forgotten my friends), I performed for them.

Singing at Church (not in choir, but solo) was totally a new experience in different atmosphere I breathed in. And yea, it raises my confident in singing. Thank you to all of you who involve directly or indirectly in making me believing in myself back one more time.

And I've decided, if I can't make it to be a doctor, I'm gonna sing! I've palnned and actually was waiting for the Akademi Fantasia (AF) audition on 28 January 2011 at Promenade Hotel, Kota Kinabalu Sabah. Trying is better than just giving up.

If not singing, I might be joining a retreat called Retreat Panggilan at Bundu Tuhan. (Like what I've planned in 2008 but was totally against my parents permission). I like serving, giving and helping others. If not physically (doctor) and emotionally (singer), I prefer to be socially and spiritually (seminarians or a priest). Maybe for some people this is a joke from me, but here I'm telling you the truth that this isn't a joke.

However, God is so great! What ever happen to my life, I will just give my best and let God decide the best for me, in according to His will.

So, 24 January had decided that I am going to India to pursue my study in medicine, and will become a doctor. Amen! I'm so grateful with what God had giving me, and I won't give up on that.

What people said about 'we can't bring everything on a plate in one time, so we need to let go off something from it' is truly happened. I gave up my AF audition and the retreat because I don't want to make my situation become completely complicated later. But, I won't be giving up in singing and serving, because I can always do that in my life: to bless and be blessed!

I'm so glad to hear that few of my friends who went for the audition have successfully made it. Congratulation! I hope to see you guys on TV later (if you guys are chosen later).

Lastly in this post, 'Don't give up your dream easily. Do your best, and give your best! So that, at the end, even if you can't make it, you won't regret of any of them because you have successfully be yourself.'

God Bless.

A-Level

24 January 2011 is a highlighted date for all of my batchmates in KTT. To be exact; 12.00pm!

That night before, I was hardly praying so that God can give me such a great strength that I had before when I was to receive my AS result last year. I drank coffee, and was planning to stay up (late), watched movies and tried my best to make myself packed with activities so that I won't think too much about my result tomorrow. Around 4.30am, I slept. I set my alarm clock at 11.00am, so that I have another 1 hour preparation before I decide to make a call. But surprisingly said, I woke up at 9.00am!

This I consider as a weird thing happened, because I usually sleep around 12.00am, and will only wake up around 11.00am.

So, I get up.

Around 11.30am, I received message from Faruqi, telling that I can check my result now. What?! I took my phone, and dialed Miss Syairah's number. Line was busy. Then, I tried to call admin. Again, line was busy. So, I waited for a while.

Exactly at 11.47am, I tried again; calling Miss Syairah. Yes, connected! Then she said "Hello!" Then, I mentioned my name, she started checking. I heard a soft voice 'Maegyvear, dia lepas'. And, Miss Syairah made it clear, "Tahniah Maegyvear. Awak lulus exam!"

God, I thank you so much!!!

Surprisingly, I didn't expect my Chemistry and Mathematics to get such  a great grade. I thought, its gonna be terrible. Highest I probably might get, maybe C! But, God give me more than that! Thanks God.

Now, I'm not worry anymore when people ask me "When are you flying to India?". Because, now I can confidently answer their question. I had such a great joy! All the hardwork are now clearly paid. 

I started to ask my friends their result. Then, one by one was telling me their results. Sadly said; many of them  (my best friends) can't make it! I was like Oh my goodness! I texted Ricky. Then, Eric. Then, Joeffery. Someone told me about Willy's result. I was curious about Melzie's. Because, she was the only close-friend I didn't know about her result. I texted her, PENDING! I checked on her Facebook, no info. Lastly, I got info that she got 11. Another, WHAT?!

I was confused! Should I be happy or sad?

My friends here invited me for 'makan-makan' with them. They know my results. So, they cooked for me. I keep on smiling, showing that I am happy. But actually, I wasn't! That night, we supposed to have a youth meeting. But I locked myself in my room. Online. Check FB. Eshabell? Bosco? Another, WHAT?!


I tried my best to accept their results. I tried my best to remind myself that God has greater plan for themselves: Jeremiah 29:11. But I am sorry guys, during that time, maybe I was emotionally unstable.

While chatting with Eric, and listening to Chris Tomlin's song How Great is Our God, they I burst! I cried, oh my goodness!

I keep on reminding myself: God is so great. He gave me this result. He also gave them such a great result! And I believe, there must be something even greater for them!

I seldomly cry for something (unless it is something that really hard for me to take care with). But that night, I was crying because of the pain of losing my supportive and best friends in KTT! I tried to be 'macho' by not crying, but I have to learn also how to let it go. So, I let it go!

Eric Fenandez a.k.a Katy Perry:
Repeater. I always asked him to study with me for the final exam at CR or Library, just to make sure he study. And, he did! We always buy lunch from the Makcik outside, and eat it in the CR. It such a great pain knowing that he can't make it because he is the one I remembered the most in supporting aspect. What ever happen, he will support me! Giving such a great inspiration and motivation. He is the one who made me not giving up my CF President responsibility. Indirectly, he taught me how to mix with other people with his 'menyampah'-ness action (and I copied it: becoming Paling Menyampah Award winner)! He cheer up my life with his Ju-on faces, Katy Perry Teenage Dreamz world, and the only E-pose in captainball. (I won't be seeing it anymore. Huh!). I had such great memories with him!

Ricky Rack a.k.a Korean Fanatic!
I knew him since primary school. I won against him for Kadazan story telling competition. But, he beat me in English story telling competition! We suppose to be classmate during our secondary school (St. Micheal), but I got offer to be in boarding school. We were in the same hospital for exposure program. And, the first known friend in KTT when we registered. We came to CF together, and from the first CF, we knew our similarity: melatah! We always together whenever we go during the first week of orientation. He such a natural joker who made many jokes naturally. Azamut tutok of course! Bantaton nopo boroson! But, he is a good listener, and advicer too. If I have a problem, without any hesitation, I will share with him. I think, he is the one who understand me more than other people in KTT. When he told me that he can't make it, it was such a great WHAT to me. Ricky, tidak dapat lagi la saya sms kau jam 3am kalau kau tiada di KTT sudah!

Wilynstee Nayyan a.k.a Mama Malatup!

Don't ask me why I put your a.k.a as Mama Malatup! But maybe because that is our 'sumber mengumpat' last time. They called us The 3 Musketeers: Me, Ricky and Willy. Sometimes I asked him to jog with me: he did! And, always force him to make extra round. What is your best record, Willy? I learnt a lot from him too. So passionate about Christians: such a good example. He always accept himself of who he is (absolutely great Willy). He is such a creative, and the best dancer I ever know. Last time, he can't sing. But by singing in CF: He now can sing! Willy, who will accompany me in our video recording anymore? Who will accompany me for dinner? Who will teach us the dancing moves if got performance? Who will be my partner for sesi meluahkan perasaan at up the hill? And, stop buying Mustika where ever Bookstore you go!

Joeffery a.k.a Big Fat Joe!
Repeater too. When I know that my AS Physics is C, I tried to motivate my friends not to giving up. And, he appreciate me much by telling all my sms to Miss Syikin (you shouldn't do that Joe, but I thank you for appreciating me). What ever activities in CF, he is my great supporter! He is the one with the best praise and worship I ever experienced in CF. He is the one who will help me to carry keyboard in St. Theresa Church! We spent many of our time studying together in CR and Library too for our final exam. After Church, he always come to my apartment, and we started mengumpah. Hehe. He is a great advicer, and always kacau me all the time! At the end, he become melatah too! Haha. And, when I make a joke, he always laugh although for me that is not funny. He always menyampah if I say something. When he asked me whether they can stay in my apartment for the last week in KTT, 100% I said YES! We slept outside my room, and Joeffery makan ruang sangat banyak! Joe, who will laugh for my not-so-funny jokes next time?

Melzie a.k.a ahjumma! 
My Orientation groupmate, that's why I know her hyper-ness earlier. Too annoying for the first time, but after a while, she was the environment-mood-changer with her non-stopping mouth all the time. I won't be seeing her jumping (like a frog) around KTT anymore. When she called me Sunbae, I was like "What? Am I a dog to her?" After I know the meaning of Sunbae, I want her to call me sunbae forever. Ceh! Although she is SHORT and SMALL: She got such a big heart to God, and her ideas + advices always touched my heart. People said, we hate each other? I came to her, and asked her "Are we fighting?" Haha. If we fight, it is just because of my menyampah-ness. She is a teacher too; who always teach the guys how to become a gentleman (Ricky prefer the word 'teach' to be 'mock'). But I think, she find it hard for her to learn how to become a lady/feminin. But for the 1.5year, she did improve her feminin-ness too, especially when she found a good looking guys anywhere. She likes posing in front of the camera (but always kalah if I'm in that picture too). Whatever she taught us (like a mummy/aunty), I learnt a lot from her too! Thanks a lot Melzie! Remember your promise not to call other Sunbae except me (does this sounds weird?)

Eshabell a.k.a.....Esha!
My classmate! My best classmate! Like to play guitar. Very good in badminton. Active in sport, and never say NO if I ask her to play guitar for CF. We played musics in Church too. Best mengumpat dengan Esha because of her loghat: bukannnn (Muni dan Opie mesti ketawa ne)! If we walk together, she always be in my left side because she said that it is more convenient and comfortable for her. She added: a girl must be at the left side of a guy. Ya kah? It such a great pain of knowing that she didn't make it because she owe me something! I taught her my first CF Song: I believe. I really hope that she can play that song during KI and I'll be singing it as a solo in CF. Who's going to play the musics now? Esha, I'll promise you to learn guitar, so that one day we can play guitar together.

Last time, it was hard for me to accept the fact that I wont be seeing you guys in KTT anymore. But, now I let it go. I believe that there must be reasons why God gave you this and why He gave me this. What ever happen, don't forget our friendship ya! I wish you guys all the best in what ever destination you guys chose. Don't forget to keep the faith and be stronger to God. If got opportunity, (maybe this is such a tough request from me) do send me to India please?

May God bless you all.

Orang Normal?

Wow!

Last Sunday, I sang and performed on stage. One song from Jimmy Palikat (Nikki's brother): Tanak Kampung. I felt so touched when I received such a great respond and support from the audience
(that I called them: my fans.) Hehe.

Then, they requested me to sing one more song. Huh. So, I sang Wali Band's song: Cari Jodoh! After 2 performances, I came down and met my fans! (Macam artis pula).

The best part was, there was a drunk guy that came to me and said,

"Wow, semakin handsome kau sekarangkan. Dulu, kau sangat pemalu!" 

Haha. Don't focus on the whole sentence. But, look at the highlighted word: PEMALU! Nasib baik lelaki mabuk tu tak describe saya sebagai

pendiam dan pemalu!

At least, there is someone who agreed that I am Pemalu & Pendiam. That is so ME!

But, my happiness turn into the feeling of full with curious when he started to say, "Saya sangkakan kau tak kawan orang-orang normal."

WHAT?!

Then, I asked him, "Maksud kau? Apa maksud kau orang-orang normal?"

He answered me, "alaah, orang-orang normal la. Yang macam kami, moginum (drink alcoholic drink) dan pukul orang (gang fight). Saya ingatkan kau kawan orang-orang alim saja!"

P/S: Haha. Well, for me, we should be friend with everybody. Because, all of us are God's creation; human being! But, it is very important for you to control yourself and just be careful. The way you bring up your personality is how you will create either good or bad impression and perspective of them at you.

First Post in 2011

First of all, I want to say so sorry to those who texted me for New Year, but I can't or didn't reply their message. I was busy the whole week, and during that night, I was on stage.

Hey there, Happy New Year 2011! May this year brings you more happiness with a healthy life. Not forgotten, get ready for the new challenges that might come through to you this year ya!

Well, where should I start blogging?
 

I remember, the last time I online was on 30 December, last year. Quite a long time is it? Well, let me start with few photos during our youth photography session:

Never come across my mind that my Church has a great landscape for photography shooting! No wonder, we won in a second place for the best Church Landscape for the whole Sabah!

Caroling: Tonight gonna be our last Caroling! You might be asking: WHY TOO LATE? Ask Penampang-ians. Especially those under Penampang Parish. Let me explain a little bit, we do Caroling after christmas because most of the songs are telling us that Jesus is already born. Before Christmas, we have 4 weeks of Advent. After Advent, then Christmas. After Christmas, then Caroling. So, we will only pick songs that bring the message that Jesus is already born. Such as, Joy to the World, Oh Holy Night, Angels we have heard on high. etc etc.

On 26 December, I was the DJ for our Youth Party at St. Peter & Paul Hall. That party was awesome, with youth and friends having fun in celebrating Christmas together! I perform few songs also, performing like a real of 'my concert' (perasan!). Haha.

From 30 until 31 December, 2010: I was extremely busy preparing for our New Year Celebration. I was the Emcee. I tell you, I am deadly tired! My voice now? Ohhh...serak-serak rock basah gitu! I was the Emcee from 2.00pm until 2.00am:

Photography Session

Senam Robik Before we start our Evening Activities

Registration

Larian Tahun Baru

Sukaneka: This is what we called it Rampanau. Do you want to try?

Sukaneka: Tiup gula dalam tepung

Sukaneka: Susun Bata!

Golongan Veteran: They were in charge of Tiket Bertuah: Our Kampung always do work together, semangat perpaduan dan kemasyarakatan masih maintain!

Tired, but maintain smile!

This Kids are so cute! They perform choir: Gloria. And seriously, they are superb. They won for the Christmas Choir Competition, Parish Penampang Level 2010.