High Expectation

Sometimes, when we highly expect something in our life, we might come to a point of disappointment. Especially, when we can't reach the level that we made before.

I just finished my Chemistry Paper 2 today. At first, I was too worried about this paper because chemistry is tough (It is not that tough actually). But, it become tough when I put my mindset to score perfectly excellent on it.

I messaged my sister. She adviced me not to expect high, but do my best as I know I can do it better (might be better than what I've expected before). Yes, it is proven! I didn't expect high, but I tried and did my best! I feel relieved and very satisfy. I might not score as perfect as other people, but at least, it can be considered as perfect for me.

An achievement for today.

And, one good lesson for tomorrow.

Farewell

I can say that, one of the greatest moment I have here in KTT is the great fellowship among students, especially with the seniors in our CF! 

Seniors are leaving. Juniors are coming!

Susu (Lim Sue Ting), I promise you to keep CF growing, glowing and keep glorifying with my very own way. I learnt a lot from you. Although I made a lot of mistakes, but, I won't let CF die in KTT. If I can't carry it alone, I have Edwin, Joyner (also leaving soon), Sophia, Mark, Gavin Man, Ricky, Willy, Melzie, Victor, Ling and Gebby to support me. I (we) will train my (our) juniors to become a great, awesome Christian leader, and build up their personality in christian way as what you did to us.

Well, CF Committee, lets do this! CF Members, let the bond within this fellowship even deeper and stronger. Future CF Juniors, I can't wait to see you guys. (How do they look arr?)

Okay, I'm too ambitious here. But, really, I meant it!

God Bless.

Health

One evening, I had a short, evening conversation with one of my housemate. I pity to him. He said, a lot of people asked him (until he got tired to answer them, maybe) what have happened to me, and why. Well, to be honest here, I didn't tell the truth to most people who asked me (my fault also). I just inform them that I am recovering from fever. Only a few friend know about what I'm going through. And, I asked them not to tell people around. I am sorry for lying to you guys. 

I need a lot of rest during this period of time. Can't active in sports or any outdoor activities anymore. Even, to wake up early in the morning is also a struggle for me (no need for further explanation).

I miss captainball.

I miss Campus Revo!

Sometimes, I feel guilty of thinking about myself, and not about other people (this is what Ricky had advice me). When people asked me to join them in Captainball, I said no. When people sent me message of why I didn't come to Campus Revolution, its hurt me a lot. I wanted to tell them so that they can understand. But, I choose not to speak, and kept it silence. Let time reveal the truth.

Life is all about happiness! Walking towards the journey of life with full of blessings from God almighty. When you are still be able to breath, breath as deeply as you can. When you are still be able to sing, sing as beautiful as you can. And, when you are still be able to listen, obey and care as much as you can.

God Bless.

Disappointed!

Last week (Thursday), I went to Hospital Bandar Baru Salak Tinggi, Sepang. This is because, my mom forced me to do so. If not, I won't be there. 

After check up, I thought its gonna be just a simple session. But, it didn't. It ended up with follow check up to Hospital Putrajaya. When the doctor at Sepang there said, 'this is not good. I need to send you to Hospital Putrajaya to meet the specialist for further check up', I saw myself standing in a dark room with nothing inside my mind. Speechless.

This is my first experience with this kind of problem. I was afraid! Please God. I can't accept if the truth revealed later is what I had imagining before. So, without wasting time, I went to Putrajaya the next day. However, I can't meet the doctor. They gave me appointment on 25 June. 

What? They want me to die first then later check ka?

I have no idea. Really disappointed!

But, what to do. I'm hopeless. However, they suggested me to go to Hospital Serdang to meet the specialist there. Yeah, new hope! So, I went there. But again, disappointed! I can only make appointment in August! Worse than before.

My housemate, John, suggested me to private hospital. But its too far, Ampang. Not only the cost is (of course) much expensive, but it is in exam week. And, I am leading CF this week. Plus, I think I'm okay and this will not be too serious (lack of experience).

But still, I can't just sit down without doing anything. So today, again, I went to Hospital Bandar Baru Salak Tinggi, Sepang. With hope that the doctor can explain more, and give advices of what should I do. But, it ended up with nothing!

I waited almost 2 hours there. 

Then, it's my turn. I knocked the door. I went inside the room, and said hello to the doctor. Then I sat down properly. And began to explain. I thought, with my 'kesopanan' and 'tatasusila' will cheer her up, and make her happy to serve me (because she look tired). But, I was wrong. Instead of giving advices, she scold me indirectly (a bit) and ask me to wait and follow the appointment made at Hospital Putrajaya.

Arghh..

I hope in the future, especially those future doctor who read my blog, please don't be like her. At least, give the patient some advices and suggestion. Or at least, do something to make sure your patient's condition is getting better or not. But today, the doctor disappointed me a lot.

Huh!

Hope, I can get better soon.

P/S: I'm sorry to the CF members and Campus Revolutionaries. This morning, I've planned to join the Morning prayer and Campus Revolution. I did wake up at 7.00am. But, my head was so painful (especially in the morning). I'm still sick. So, I can't manage to come. I took 1 week rest last week. But now ,I think, I need more days for my health recovery. Pray for me. Thanks.

New Words!

Hello, today we have Sabahan Languange Class (yeah!).
So, take out your pensel and a piece of paper to write down the words and enhance your vocabulary (thank you Sir Maggy).


1. Tapuk
    English translation: Hide
    Malay translation: Menyorok
 
    Example: Let's play hide and seek.
    Contoh: Jom main tapuk-tapuk.

2. Bubut
    English translation: Chase
    Malay translation: Mengejar

    Example: I will chase you later.
    Contoh: Saya bubut ko nanti.

3. Doi dogo
    English translation: Oh my goodness (an expression)
    Malay translation: Alahai / aduhai (satu expresi)

    Example: Oh my goodness, what happen to you?
    Contoh: Doi dogo, kenapa ko ne?


Okay, that's all for today.
Don't forget to make your revision and see you again in our next class (Thank you Sir).

Fear

I told people: 

"Don't be afraid, everything will be fine"

But then,
Beside that smiles,
Beside that fake happiness I've created,
That words swollen me myself.

Now, I'm struggling of telling my shadow:

"Don't be afraid, everything will be fine"

I hope, when the truth is revealed tomorrow,

I can prepare myself to listen and accept
what He had sentence me to be.

Sometimes it is too tough for me,

But, I hope it won't be that hard!

I'm writing now.

I'm blogging now.

So that I can look back later,

how great is the fear

inside me here.

Good night.

KTT Kaamatan Awards (KKA) 2010

10 Awards will be revealed on the 10th of June 2010 via this blog. 

Who will get the grand Kaamatan Awards for this year? 

-Wait for the results-

KTT Kaamatan Awards 2010

(NOMINATION STAGE LEVEL)

1. Sugandoi (Singing) 2010:

-Ricky Rack

-Edwin Loh

-Sufian

-Shin Chian

-Huzai

-Gavin Man

2. Most Photogenic Award

-Kueh Sui Seng

-Nurul Faezah

-Maegyvear Pimid

-Edwin Loh

-Michelle Debbie

-Doris Hoo

-Jin Xiang

3. Most Friendly Award

-Mark Noel

-Ricky Rack

-Ahmad Faruqi
-Eshabell

-Harjir

-Joeffery

4. Best Personality (via trademark) Award

-Edwin (Angelina Jolie’s Lips)

-Amy Lynette (Lagy Gaga)

-Eric (Ju-on)

-Ricky Rack (Fabulous)

-Ahmad Faruqi (Obama)

-Albert How Seng (Peace)

-Kueh Sui Seng (Big smile)

-Ricky Rack (Korean)

-Willy (So you think you can dance)

-Dennie (Dogo-dogo)

5. Most Eco-Friendly Award

-Ahmad Faruqi

-Lui Jin Xiang

-Tan Zhe Yan

-Yu Zheng
-Maegyvear Pimid

-Munirah Ibrahim

6. Best Energizer Fitness Award

-Victor Lian

-Maegyvear Pimid

-Foo Ru Ren

-Reginald Valentino

-Ahmad Faruqi

-Divaagar

-Melissa Nuah
-Nadirah
-Reena
-Eshabell

7. (Celcom/Digi/Maxis) Most Popular Award (Please nominate)
- Eric Fenandez
- Gavin Yap
- Dennie Didit
- Reginald Valentino
- Ahmad Faruqi
- Mark Noel
- Edwin Loh
- Daniel Chong

8. Best Intelligence Quotient: IQ Award (Please nominate)
- Tan Loon Han
- Nagato Yuki a.k.a Gavin Yap
- Lui Jin Xiang
- Idris (Mara Student)

9. Crowning Glory Award

-Amy Lynette (Green Christmas Gown)

-Ling Chieng Jiun (All Red Baju Kurung)

-Shana Annabell (Red Christmas Gown)

-Gebriellae Dass (Fabulous Hair)
-Michelle Debbie (Kadazan Traditional Costume)

10. Grand Unduk Ngadau KTT 2010 Award:

-Nominees: All Sabahan's Tati Topiodo (Beauty Pageant)

P/S: You can still nominate names until 31 May 2010. Results will be revealed on 10 of June 2010. You can votes via SMS (Celcom/Digi/Maxis), email, facebook or face-to-face to make you favourite nominees to win. Don't forget to get the updates.

The Decision

The Church's keyboard I used every week.

This is a tough decision I made. I have to consider a lot of thing before I finalise the decision. I've prayed for it. Asking God for wisdom and guidance. So that, I won't decide for my own benefits, but for others too.

Musics are so meaningful to me. I can't live without music. Musics bring me joy and happiness. And, musics are my very own way to serve God.

But, I've decided. I have to stop the musics. No more sounds blessing. No more musics playing. No more hands to set the sound waves into a beautiful melody. Because, I've decided to take a rest from serving and playing keyboard in Parish St. Theresa, Nilai Church.

Somehow, I'm thinking that I am selfish with this decision. Although it is in exam weeks, but (honestly) its not the matter. Last time, I still play keyboard even though its in exam weeks. So, exam is totally not the reasons of why I stop playing. (hope this is clear to everyone)

I played keyboard in Church so that I can bless people with this way. I'm gladly happy because  I can bring them sounds and musics. I wanted them to realise that how beautiful the musics are in praising and worshiping God. And, that are my purposes of serving as musician.

But after almost 6 months serving and playing musics every week, (in my own self-reflection), I feel that my musics is tasteless. Tasteless without blessings. Even, for me myself. I tried to pour in something new, but still, it is tasteless. I tried to get away with all that kind of feelings, but still, I can't lie and hide my own dilemma.

Then I reflect back my purpose of serving: to bring them blessings. But now, my wine is getting empty. When my wine is getting empty, I can't pour water to make it full (and even to make it half-full). Because, it won't taste the same, and it gonna be horribly tasteless. So, I decided to stop the wine from flowing, and wait another wine (a new wine) to be used.

However, I am confused. If I didn't play keyboard in church, who's gonna play for them? If they manage to get a new musician, then it will be okay. But, if they can't find one?

And, how if I care about them, but I don't care about my own heart of serving. I can continuously serve  in church as musician. But, I am serving them with tasteless kind of blessings. Am I doing the right thing? Can I have the endurance in serving with all that tasteless kind of feelings?

Maybe, I need to realise that I can't satisfy everyone in every decisions I made in my life. We need to sacrifice something to make it better.

So, I have decided to take rest, and I WILL COME AGAIN when my wine is ready to be served.

God Bless.

Exam

AS Examination is just around the corner. 12 May is my first paper: Mathematics. Everyone seems busy and pack with revision, study and preparation. As do I. Busy preparing myself to make sure that I master all the subjects I took.

My exams last until 10 of June. In 5 weeks, no class! Just struggling do give my best.  To fight and to win the race. Well, it is exams time. The most precious thing everyone cares about is TIME! No time! Lack of time!! Well now, everyone seems realised that time is precious, and time is gold.

I have limited time in surfing and hanging out with friends. I have limited time for lepak-ing, watching movies and traveling! But, how about serving? Serving God? 

Someone might say, don't play keyboard in church during exam time. It is wasting your time! Don't take care about CF during exam time, because it is wasting your time! Don't go to church during exam time, because, it is wasting (again) your time.

Wow! Imagine God use that words back to you, "Don't care about him/her during exam time, because it is just wasting my time?"

Think about it.

Wishing you all the best in AS and A2 examination.

And, may God bless you.

The Message (SMS)

I got this message via SMS from someone. And, although that message is dedicated to me, but I think this message should be shared by everyone. So now, I dedicate it for you.

A message that is written especially for you.

Dear Friend,

No matter what happen, don't be afraid okay. Because Jesus is there with you. To help, guide and protect you. 

If you miss someone, shout their name in your heart, for they will hear you screaming. If you afraid, say this word 3 times: Jesus is my savior. And, you will not be afraid anymore. 

If you feel miserable , keep this word in your mind: I am miserable because I want to make people happy, and I am happy making people happy. 

Remember!! Life is so short. So enjoy it while you can. We only live once. But the memories that we have stay forever.

So enjoy life while you can and be happy.

Peace and glory be with you and God bless you.