Forgive Me

I'm going through some heavy things. It seems like this world ain't getting any better. The more I try to get closer to You, the farther I run from Your throne.

I've spent so many nights wondering when will it end? When will the day come when happiness begins? I'm running the race, but it seems too hard to win. I'm sick of mourning, and my stomach is throwing up in the morning.

I'm calling for help and watching it melt away. My heart's been put on display and put away. In many ways and many times I told myself it was okay. I just tell myself that it was okay. I won't approve the problems and just kept it to fade away. And, anger was the price that was paid. While these faded dreams just screamed to bring them home.

The burden was too heavy and I kept running from the throne. I can't take it any longer. I can taste my spirit hunger. Now, I'm one of the spiritual disaster runner. In the world that full of evil's dreamer.

God please help me get home.

If you...

If you never felt pain,

How would you know that I am a Healer?

If you never had to pray,

How would you know that I am a Deliverer?

If you never had a trial,

How could you call yourself an Overcomer?

If you never felt sadness,

How would you know that I am a Comforter?

If you never mada a mistake,

How would you know that I am a forgiver?

If you knew all,

How would you know that I will answer your questions?

If you never were in trouble,

How would you know that I will come to your rescue?

If you never were broken,

How would you know that I can make you whole?

If you never had a problem,

How would you know that I can solve them?

If you never had any suffering,

How would you know what I went through?

If you never went through the fire,

How would you become pure?

If I gave you all things,

How would you appreciate them?

If I never corrected you,

How would you know that I love you?

If you had all power,

How would you learn to depend on me?

If your life was perfect,

What would you need me for?

God is Great!

Lots of Love,

Jesus.

"Thanks to my elder sister, Marcela, for sending me this message. May God Bless you."

The 19th Blessings for Ricky

Today, during Campus Revolution Morning Prayer, Willy asked us: "Prayer Needs?" Then, I requested, "Let us pray for Ricky's Birthday today!" (honestly dude, it comes from my pure heart to request that prayer).

Then, when Willy started to choose people to say the prayer, oh my goodness, Willy please, don't choose me to pray for Ricky. I said it in my heart. But then, "Okay, for Ricky's Birthday, Maegyvear, you say the prayer!" Willy said it.

Then, Ricky said, "I don't want Maegyvear."

And, at roughly 0.5s difference, I thinking hard and said, "Willy can you choose other person to pray for him?" Then, I pointed Edwin.

Arghh..it is hurting me! Because, although I really wanted too, but, I can't say a perfect and awesome prayer for one of my greatest friend here. (I condemned myself for not having the opportunity and ability to speak in English perfectly). But, I know, my heart and my blessings are so pure to him.

Ricky, I'm so sorry, its not that I don't want to pray for you. But, I want the prayer to be awesome for you this morning. A prayer with a great words. A prayer with a correct grammar. A prayer with a flowery and flowerful words. I want a perfect prayer for you. Because it is your birthday. And, (honestly), I want the best blessings for you today.

I can't say the prayer perfectly.

I don't know how to use a suitable word in prayer.

I'm not comfortable in English.

My English speaking is terrible.

I even do not know how to use Flowery Words.

I even do not know how to pour my ideas in prayer smoothly.

I can't speak fluently,

Please forgive me Ricky.

But deep inside my heart, I bow down my head, and prayed.

"God, no matter how bad is my English, although Ricky even don't want me to say the prayer for him, but deep inside my heart, I pray for the best, best and THE BEST  blessings for him."

Happy Greatest Birthday to one of my Fabulous Friend, Ricky Rack.

God Bless.

Why me?

Why?

Why me?

Unexplainable.

Why always me?

Nobody can even give me reasons.

What should I do?

Seems I was threaten unfairly.

Maybe today I don't understand.

But hopefully, the next day will give me an explanation.

Although I know, but actually I don't know.

Maybe I understand, but it is hard actually.

Sometimes people can be at the top

But, tomorrow you gonna be at the bottom.

I didn't even choose to have all of this thing.

If I follow to what I'd like to do, I won't be doing what I am doing now.

But, why me?

(speechless)

P/S: Dear blogger: Don't care about this post. I'm emotional a bit here. I don't talk much. So, blogging is the only way for me to pour out everything.

Stop!

S.T.O.P

I online too much already.

Now, I need to switch myself into study and exam mood.

Huhu..AS is just 25 more days!

It is less than 1 month!!!

Stop playing and hanging around.

IT IS LESS THAN 1 MONTH!

(hopefully this expression is working, 

terrifying and motivating me then..hehe..LoL)

Mee Maggi

Mee Maggi is one of my favourite leisure time, junk food. 

And for me, the best flavour among the rest is: Tom Yam.

Oh my goodness, it was so awesome!!! 

But, after this one incident, I hate Maggi and especially Tom Yam!

People, PLEASE!!! I am begging you, PLEASE!!!

DON'T EVER TRY TO COOK MAGGI AND PUT AN EGG INTO IT 

AND YOU JUST USE HOT WATER FROM THE WATER HEATER
TO COOK IT!!!

Oh my goodness, this is TERRIBLE!

If today I join the Fear Factor, and this is their challenge, I tell you honestly, I'm quit! Really man, it was terrible. I am so hungry, and I thought my secret-recipe will gonna make me feel good. But then, the smell of the uncooked egg which is 95% soluble (not even partially) in that yellowish-soup of mine really stimulate my five senses of receptor and make me phobia with this kind of thing. Now, every seconds, I feel like vomiting. Oh my goodness!!!

My nightmare today.

Tagged

A lot of sharing before.

Now, let's socialise with this tagged things. (Tagged by Farah)

1. Your first impression of KTT?
- Small and ugly. Not as what my first imaginary college was.

2. First friend you made?

- A lot of Sabahan friends here. But, excluding them, the first friend that I made is...my housemate: Xiang and John Lau. Hehe...

3. First boy or girl that caught your attention through out the orientation week
- First boy; Deeban, because he talked too much, and yet, he looked so smart. 

- First girl; Melzie, because we are in the same orientation group and she was too noise!
 

4. Favourite lunch,
- Malay's cafe.

5. Favourite place to sit when you study in the library
- I seldomly go to the library. But, once I was there, I like to sit just below the air-condition there.

6. Your dinner place, mamak or melayu?
- Malay's cafe.
 

7. Favourite transportation when you go out.
- Adikme.

8. Favourite place to hang out
- So far: Alamanda (watch movies, karaoke, games, eat..etc etc)

9. Favourite game to play during the evening, or you just sit at your apartment and had naps every evening?
- I like sports: Either Captainball or jogging.
 

10. Favourite KTT's trasportation, van or bus?
- Both.

11. What time do you go to sleep?
- My curfew hour: 11.30pm.

12. Favourite subject?
- I love all of the subjects I took. But, Biology is the most.

13. Favourite lecturer?

- My lecturers are all awesome!

14. Favourite classroom,CR?
- Not really sure. MPP's room maybe (it still can be consider as CR)

15. Favourite LH?
- During lecture hour: LH1.

- LH5 also nice because got big wall mirror there. Suits for us to have dance practise!

- LH6 is full of blessings. Every week we gonna have CF meeting there.

16. Favourite place to sit for an exam?
- In the middle (as what I'm going to sit for my real examination later).

17. Favourite clothes to wear to class?
- No favourite one because I always wear formal. But then, I like to wear the lab coat. Looks like real doctor. Hehe..

18. Favourite MPP?
- My President: Ahmad Faruqi. He worked too hard and very responsible. He discussed a lot of thing with me when he wanted to decide something. And, once that he captured respect from my heart was when we first met and he apologized to me because he said I deserve more to get the President's post.

19. Favourite event you took part or attend?
- A lot of events! I enjoyed myself with every events.

P/s: Those KTTians bloggers who read my 'tagged' here, I'm waiting for your respond. Don't try to run away. And, you are officially tagged!!!

The Revolution

"It is a simple story, but yet, can become a great testimony."

How can an awesome dirty thinker 

can turn his/her life to become a part of God's testimony?

How can a street dancer who never preach the words of God

can become a part of God's army?

How can a nothing person

can become such a valuable brother/sister in Christ?

One more thing, how can a great sinner

can become a great spiritual-inspiration to others?

Everything seems so wrong! But, in God's eyes, nothing is impossible. Different people come from different side of background. Don't judge them because of their past. But, praise them because of who there are now.

Sometimes, it is hard to accept people (of who there are now) because of who they are in the past. Why? 

Because last time, both of you sat together in a cafe and talk nonsense, funny, and dirty jokes. But now, he sat with you in a cafe, preaching the words of God, and telling how precious is your life. Can you accept that? Can you believe with that revolution? 

Last time, both of you went to Church and saw people were jumping, singing, closing their eyes, lifting up their hands and praying. And he said, "Oh my goodness, this holy people...". But now, he is the one who did all  of those thing. What would you say then?

Last time, he was the super-duper-awesome supplier of pornography movies and videos. And he said, "For your entertainment." But now, still, he is the super-duper-awesome supplier of you. But, he supply you with the christian movies, bibles and verses. What can you say about it?

But human is all like human. It is hard to accept of who we are now because of what we did in the past. However, don't worry about the revolution you made. It is only hard for a few people. But its gonna be a great testimony to others.

P/s: This post is only the generated ideas of mine. I didn't mean to hurt someone or to write about somebody. But, if this nature of life reflect on you, then think about it. Make a decision. Everything is in you hands.

God bless you.

Judging VS Advising

I've learn more about human beings now. As what my friend once told me, not everyone is like you. Ya, all of us are different. No one in this world is 100% similar to each other. Even the DNA state so.

But one thing that human being cannot avoid in this world is the misinterpretation of either judging people or advising them. Well, let me give you an example of mine. 

As a CF President, once when I didn't come and join the Campus Revolution morning prayer, people might think that I am irresponsible, getting away from God, or last come worst; hypocrite! This kind of situation is called; judging. Because, you don't know what is inside me, and why I'm doing so.

By the way, in the same kind situation, advising is another term that we should be understand. Judging people is what you have seen outside them. Or maybe inside them (but this is only in the small amount of percentage). I believe, each and everyone of you will surely have this kind of behavior: Judging. But the difference is, either you judge them just for yourself, or, you judge them for everyone.

If you judge them for everyone, this is totally wrong! Only God can judge people precisely as He know outside and deep inside us. For you, as a normal and weak human being, this is wrong. So, stop it and better change. If not, you gonna have troubles in the future (kerana mulut badan binasa).

But if you judge them just for yourself, it is a good reminder. Reminder for you yourself, or, when you be honest to them, this can be also a good reminder for themselves. From that situation that I gave you earlier, if you judge me just for yourself, then, come and see me. Tell me honestly what is the thing that you 'judge' or misjudge me. Or, tell me honestly what is the thing that you think about me.

Then, this kind of action taken will lead you to a proper way of advising. From that situation, you are telling me honestly what you think about me. Then, I'll give my reasons; begini begini begini and begitu begitu begitu. After that, you can understand more about me, and misjudgement is negligible. But hey, be careful with those humans yang talam dua muka. They can be a good actor or actress in front of you. So, watch out!

Next, when you tell me honestly what is going on, either your 'judgement' is true or not, it can be a good reminder to me. Maybe, I will give a lot of excuses before. But then, at the end, I will realise that I am giving a lot of excuses. Yes, I am giving a lot of excuses! When that person (or in the example given is me) realise what he/she is doing, he/she will might change to something better. And ya, by doing this, you've changed someone's life.

This is what I think about Judging VS Advising. Hence, think about it. Which part are you in?

God bless you.

Think about it

THE 4 BLESSED LOOK

"Look back and thank God

Look forward and trust God

Look around and serve God
Look within and find God"

I asked God, 'How do I get the best out of life?"

God said, 'Face your past without regrets, handle your present with
confidence, and prepare for the future without fear!'

Without God, our week is:

Mourn-day,

Tears-day,

Waste-day,

Thirst-day,
Fight-day,

Shatter-day 

And, Sin-day.
So, allow Him to be with you every day!'

Life is short, so forgive quickly. 

Believe slowly. Love truly. Laugh Uncontrollably. 
Never regret anything that makes you happy.

Time is like a river. 

You cannot touch the same water twice,

because the flow that has passed will never pass again.

Enjoy every moment of life. 

Have a blessed day today!!

....sshhhh....

1 hour...

2 hours...3 hours...4 hours...

Huhu...

Sony Mp3...lalalala...

1 more hour, another one...and another one...

Tired la... :(

Ok, let's online then... :D

Please don't tell my mother yaa... :P

Please, tell the world:

"Lord,

though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I'm not scared!!!

Cause, You're holding my breath

I only fear that I don't have enough time left
To tell the world that there's no time left"

RevoTour Nilai 2010

"Holy Spirit have your way

All of my hopes, my dreams, my days

I lay it all down again, devoted to do your will"

Empress Hotel!!! Its awesome. Not only the place itself, but also the testimonies of what's going on there last night. Campus Revolution: World Changers! Almost 50 KTTians went there for the fellowship and, as the CF President, I'm really, really and extremely glad with that number of heads counted.

Well, what did I learnt the most last night was the words and the theme itself (World Changers). When Pastor Dave shared about our college campus revolution's testimony, I was struck! How can a simple story that what we gone through can become a great testimony to others? I was so inspired and motivated by our testimony itself. Praise you Lord!

Then, Pastor Dave asked us, "Who want to become the World Changer, please come forward because we want to pray for you."

Then, without doubt and hesitation, I stood up, and walked to the front. At first, I was afraid! But, with God's will and with all my strength, with all my heart, I made my way, I create my pace, and be blessed! I was touched by the Holy Spirit and from that very point, I made my decision:

"Lord, I won't be afraid anymore. I won't be ashamed to tell the world: how great is my God! I won't be hesitate to lift up my hands and worship You. I will use my voice to praise and sing for You. I will use my heart to generate an electrical activity to dance and move with the sound wave of praising and worshiping You. Because you are my God. I'm proud being a Christian. And, You deserve it!"

Thanks God for recharging me back, and put me back on my track.

No matter what kind of leadership I'll bring to my CF, I won't be afraid of what people's negative judgement gonna be anymore. Because, as long as my heart is right, and I'm guided by You, then I'll surrender everything to you. I know that some people might not like me with my Christianity, but I hope You can guide me and give me strength for this.

This book was given by Willy! Thank you very much, bro!

This shirt, I bought it!!! The Blue-Revolution shirt.
And, I look awesome with it!!! 

Now, get ready to become the World Changer!

Something to change

I served in Church. I bring musics to the people. Mostly every week, I play keyboard and bless others.

But sometimes, the body becomes weak, and my wine continuously flow out, becoming less and lesser. There is something that trying to pull me back and stop me from tuning the melody of my musics. Then, I pray: Lord, give me the strength and endurance to do this.

In the middle of examination week, the challenge become tougher! Should I stop the musics from their heart? Should I stop the blessings of melody to each and everyone of them? Should I choose to sacrifice the sound wave and the flow of the rhythm? 

Plus, it is EASTER! The Lord is risen. I need to do the fingerings so that the sounds of Glory with be heard by all the people.

Then, with all my strength, I offered my time to God. I played musics for Easter, and claimed that the Lord is risen! 

People around me said to me: "Pity on you"

Because I played from evening until midnight, and morning until afternoon, continuously. I even haven't lunch, haven't dinner, and even haven't breakfast. 

Plus, the next day after that is my examination day!!!

Instead of saying "Pity on you", why don't they change it to "hey, you're so awesome!!!".

Because, I don't think that I am pity if I do it for Him.

And, I don't think that I should be pity because I didn't take my lunch, dinner and breakfast. 

And, I don't think it affect my exams. Because, God will honor those who honor him.

Thus, instead of saying pity, encourage people by saying awesome.

And, to all musicians, please: Don't stop the musics!

God Bless.

I want to...

I want to change:

I want to keep my hair longer,

make-over it,

and put some Korean style onto it

(Mengada!!!).

I want to change:

I want to read bible more,

I want to learn keyboard more,

I want to serve in church more,

And, experience God more

(Praise you Lord!!!)

I want to change:

I want to start searching for something new...

(clueless)

My Birthday

Night, 4 April 2010:

Almost 12.00am. Tomorrow (5 April) gonna be my birthday. Ricky message me, wishing me Happy Birthday (1 hour earlier). He reminded me to be aware, because he heard a plan to splash me water in the midnight. I asked, who is the head for that? MARK NOEL!!! Huh..I have to sleep early! Then, I slept earlier (HAHAHA). I don't like being celebrate by people. Not because I don't appreciate, but...eeeehhh..malulah! But then, Eric came. Together with Dennie and Reginald. Happy Birthday!!! Thanks God, no water, cream or powder being pour or splash to me. Hahaha..I switch off my phone.

Morning, 5 April 2010:

I woke up at 6.30am. I switched on my phone. Tit tit tit...My phone keep on vibrating, loaded with message and birthday wishes!! Thanks.

Almost 7.30am. Should I come to campus revo? I worried if they plan to ignore me as what I've planned to Mark's Birthday before (HAHAHA). Then, I went. As what I have expect them to be, everyone act usual. Like, nothing is happening (ya lah tu).

Finish Campus Revo. I received message from Faruqi. CF got problem!!! Huh..I was thinking: in the middle of my preparation for my Chemistry Paper this evening, plus, its my birthday, then suddenly, got something to do with CF. What should I focus that morning? Exam? Birthday? CF? Huh..but then, I surrender everything to God, and let Him do what He have planned before.

Evening, 5 April 2010:

Yeah, Chemistry Paper finished! I took my laptop and, surf the internet. Oh my goodness, my Facebook was loaded with Birthday Wishes!! Thanks.

Around 8.30pm, Melzie texted me, asking me to come down at the Mamak Cafe to finalise the CF T'shirt Design at 9.00pm. She said that her laptop is with Susu. So, she need to take it from her after Susu finish her exam that night. That's why, I took my bath at 8.50pm. Ricky when up twice, reminded me to come earlier because Melzie is waiting already. Oh, okay. Then, I came down. Ya, Melzie is waiting. Together with Doris and Judith. Then, we start discussing about the design. After a few minutes, Melzie said, she needs to take her charger at the library there. Because her laptop is out of battery. Oh okay, let's go.

In the middle of the way, I saw Kai Tze (the girl with the same birthday to me). I wanted to wish her. But, after I reached Bintang Walk (just before the library), I saw a lot of people. I was calling that time! They sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! What??? For me? Or Kai Tze? I was confused. And, surprised!!! Because, a lot of them came. Around, 60-80 I think. Gathering there, with the cake in front!! I saw my  housemate, CF Committees, MPP members, Church Friends, and KTTians (my friends)!!! Oh my goodness. I wanted to cry, but I can't. Control maaa...haha...then, I stand in front. Smiling. And, speechless! My hand is shaking. And, also my legs. I'm so touched!!!

They asked me to give a speech. Then, I give a short one. They asked my wished, but I didn't tell them. Because, I can't think one that time (REALLY Speechless and Touched). They asked me to cut the cake faster, because the candles almost burnt out already. Before that, while I am bathing, they asked Ricky how long do I take to bath. And as usual, Ricky's answer is always out of the truth (menyimpang habis!!). He said, depends on the song I sing while bathing (Taiiii ko sana Rikcy!!!).

Then, I receive a present from Edwin (on behalf of CF). They asked me to open. They really eager to see my expression to open the present (hoi, saya yang birthday, tapi diorang pula yang berabis mau saya buka ne: Sabahans' sleng). I opened the cover carefully, I saw an old box! They asked me to open again. I opened the box, and saw a cap. Uhhhhh..(all of them said that). I smile, but deep inside my heart "Ciss, setakat topi???". Then, I took the cap, and saw something under it: Sony MP3!!!!!! I screamed...arrrrrgggggghhhhhhh....I got new MP3!!! Thanks God. Thanks my friends. That is what I wanted to buy before, but I cancelled it. Ohhhh..so happy!!!

Thank you very much to all of you for making that surprise and my awesome19th Birthday Celebration in this college. I will never forget this!! Last year, I celebrate it with my family, my parents, my siblings, my cousins, and my relative. But now, they are far away from me. But, this is a great experience to celebrate birthday with my college friends. I hope I can pass the cut-off point, fly to India and achieve my ambition to become a doctor. Please do support me in prayer ya. And, may God bless you all. 

Thank you.

Happy birthday to you (X3).....
Waaahh..so touched! Speechless....

My 19 birthday cake: Surprised!

With CF Committee!

 With some of my classmates, ALL10!

 Hadiah!!! I'm thinking: what's inside??? 

They asked me to guess.
They said, something that I want before. What ya?

Yeaahhhh!!! I got sony MP3!!!! 

Look at my eyes: Terharu!! haha..thank you so much....

 Same Birthday!! Happy birthday to you too.

 

With my "Geng Mengumpat" in class!

 My 19th Surprise Birthday Celebration: 

Pointing at the cameraman.

 My 19th Surprise Birthday Celebration

Birthday Handmade Card from Jin Xiang

The first present of the night: Eric!

Awesome Book given by Ricky!!!

Nice neck-tie from Willy!!!

 My new Sony MP3 with the cap! I'm Sony-branded now...hehe!

The gifts from Shin Chian and Crystalyn

Holy Week Reflection

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.

Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.

Sometimes, He sends us pain so we can be stronger.

Sometimes, He sends us failure so we can be humble.

Sometimes, He sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.

Sometimes, He takes EVERYTHING away from us so we can learn the value of EVERYTHING we have.

Have a blessed Easter

Amen!

P/S: Thanks to Fergus for sending me the message. I felt that this reflection is awesome, especially for those who don't feel the presence of God in their life.